Sunday, June 17, 2012

we did it.

We actually have counters under all those dishes. Who knew?
Things that are not gross about our kitchen:
Clean dishes.
Clean stovetop.
Clean counters.
Clean floor.
Pretty pink dish soap that smells like flowers.

Saturday, June 16, 2012


Sometimes we do our dishes, but most of the time we don't. This doesn't mean that Scott and I are gross, I promise. Well, maybe it means we're kind of gross, but dishes are hard and it's much easier to just not go into the kitchen very often than it is to keep it clean. Honestly, I don't understand how we even have so many dishes to do because we eat out for most meals. Where do they come from? Why are they dirty? How can we go through every single cup in our house? Who even uses plates?

At least we have pretty pink dish soap that smells like flowers.
Things that are gross about our kitchen right now:
The leftover rice pilaf plastered to that green pot.
The wine glasses that will have to soak for days to get the purple stains out.
The empty box of macaroni and cheese with cheese sauce slimed all over it.
The smell of the trash can. Be happy you can't smell via computer.
The mound of towels on the rack.
The sink that is filled to the brim with dishes.
The slime from who-knows-what that covers the dishes in the sink.
The film of flour that covers the floor from that time I made tortillas.
The fruit flies that live there.

I know fruit flies are supposed to be gross, but I like small things and I like them. I named them all Dave, because there are so many it reminded me of that Dr. Seuss story called Too Many Daves and because I like when animals have people names. They might be here because of the leftover smoothie we left in the sink for a week. Or maybe they're here because we didn't take our trash out before we went to Missouri for 5 days. Or maybe they think our kitchen is just a pleasant place to be, in which case, they are very wrong. Our kitchen is gross, but I'm glad someone likes it.

In a bold attempt to be less disgusting, I've been researching ways to get rid of fruit flies and these are the suggestions I came across: 
1) Clean your vegetables at a make shift cleaning station outside of your home. Not going to happen. All we have is a stoop.
2) Do not toss food garbage into waste-paper baskets. Not going to happen. We don't have a garbage disposal.
3) Cover your fruit bowl or store fruit in the refrigerator. This could happen. However, seeing as we eat out all the time and don't actually store fruit at our apartment, it doesn't really apply.
4) Use or discard all overripe fruit. See number 3.
5) Clean opened containers of fruit juice, fermented or vinegar products, ketchup, Saccharin sauce or cooking wine. So you're telling me that leaving that empty bottle of juice on the counter is bad? Hm.
6) Put new soft fruit in a brown bag. See number 3.
7) Don't keep any vegetable or meat scraps in your garbage can inside your home. If this is implying that we should take our trash out more frequently, then it's not going to happen.

Oh well. I think that Dave 1-200 and I are going to be very happy together.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


I have learned many things this week.

I learned that Grammy's old lady exercise class is kind of hard. My fingers kept cramping when we did the "finger piano" exercise and my legs were shaking when we did the side kicks.

I learned what makes oatmeal special. After rehab, Grammy and I came home and Papa had breakfast ready for us. It was oatmeal, which was surprising because Papa hates oatmeal. But apparently it was special oatmeal.
Papa: This is special oatmeal.
Me: Oh yeah? Why is it special?
Papa: Because I made it.
I also learned that the proper way to eat your oatmeal is with strawberries, bananas, milk, and one Sweet 'n Low. Papa's recommendation.

I learned that blue birds can fit 15 meal worms (or mealy worms, according to Grammy) in their mouths at one time. Grammy has blue bird friends and she feeds them every morning during breakfast so she can watch them eat, too. She makes a whistling sound to call them to the feeder and then gives them 15 mealy worms. This morning, the girl blue bird ate all 15 mealy worms in approximately 17 seconds. I like her style.

I learned that Papa is going to give away all the cucumbers in his garden and buy pickles at Wal-Mart instead of making Granny Green's Pickles with them. Granny Green's Pickles are my favorite. And they would be yours, too. I promise. 
"Papa, are you going to make pickles with all those cucumbers?"
"Nope, I'm going to give them away and buy pickles at Wal-Mart."  
I learned that if you stick a bunch of chopsticks and mothballs in your flower planters, it will keep the squirrels out of them. Earlier this spring, Grammy planted her flowers in the backyard, went to plant them in the front yard, and by the time she came back to check on the back ones, a squirrel had dug them all up and scattered them around the porch. So now we use chopsticks and mothballs.

I learned that my mother found a brown recluse spider in her closet. And I don't like it one bit. If I lose a limb, you all know why.

I learned that I'm a really fast typer, according to Tony the Bug Man who is currently spraying our house for brown recluse spiders. He is my best friend.

I learned that there are some overalls in my closet at my parents' house and I will wear them every day. I asked my students if I would be cool if I wore overalls and they said absolutely not. But I think they're wrong. Who wouldn't want a pair of khaki capri overalls? It's okay to be jealous.
Middle School Julie would be so proud.