Wednesday, July 25, 2012

marinara.

I sometimes (always) want to drink jars of marinara sauce, but I sometimes (occasionally) try not to do that because sometimes (always) people think I'm really gross/weird. So in order to be really (sort of) appropriate and not gross/weird, I have to find vehicles for my marinara sauce. So for those of you out there who sometimes (always) have to shame-eat marinara sauce in that hidden corner of your bedroom while sometimes (always) listening to that Adele song "Someone Like You" on repeat, these are for you. 

An Guide to the Various Vehicles of Marinara Sauce Consumption.
By Julie


Pasta with Marinara Sauce 
The best part of this meal is that the marinara:pasta ratio can be insanely high, meaning that you can eat 3 noodles of pasta with a cup of sauce on top and no one knows, meaning you can eat this anywhere, meaning you don't have to stay in your room, meaning people won't think you're cray.
Directions: Make pasta (approximately 3 noodles). Heat sauce (approximately an entire jar). Enjoy.

"Tomato Soup" 
The quotes around the name mean that it is just marinara sauce in a bowl. Shhhh.
Directions: Pour marinara sauce into a bowl. Heat. Enjoy. And if anyone asks what you're eating, you should probably get really defensive and yell something irrational like, "I'm eating tomato soup, what does it look like?! Gosh! What else would I be eating? It's not like I'm a freak or anything. People eat tomato soup all the time!"
What? It's tomato soup.
Mozzarella Sticks with Marinara
There is literally nothing better than marinara with cheese inside.
Directions: Go to this website. Make the mozzarella sticks. Dip them. Or, if you're impatient and poor like I am, you can buy tortillas and wrap a string cheese in them and then bake them until they're crispy on the outside and melty on the inside. No, I don't know how long that takes or what temperature to bake them at. I just know it happens. Plus, the most important part is the marinara anyway.

Pizza Grilled Cheese 
Because you can't eat something with the word "pizza" in the title if you don't add marinara sauce.
Directions: Get two slices of bread. Put some mozzarella cheese, pepperoni, garlic, red peppers, whatever your heart desires (because who are we kidding? We're not making this for the innards) inside. Grill on your stove until the cheese kind of oozes out the sides and burns to your pan so you have to scrub it forever to clean it. Put marinara in a bowl and dip the grilled cheese. Done and done. This could also be translated to Pizza Quesadilla, Pizza Biscuit, Pizza Wrap, Pizza Croissant, or Pizza Any Bread Product.
All of this is in my tummy right now.
 Italian Potatoes
Everything is Italian if you add marinara!
Directions: Cook a potato in the oven/stovetop/microwave/sunlight. Mush it up. Add marinara and literally any kind of cheese. Literally. My fave is cottage cheese and don't you dare judge me until you try it. Ricotta also sounds like it would be nice and Italian tasting.


You're welcome. Now, since I'm home by myself, I'm going to listen to Fleetwood Mac and dance around my coffee table while I try to figure out how to sneak some ice cream into the movie theater without it melting!


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

when we grow up.

When Scott grows up, he is going to be a doctor. He submitted his application to tons of medical schools the other week and now he has been receiving and submitting his secondary apps, which means he sits in his room and writes a lot of essays and I sit on the couch and stare at the fish. Because Scott is going to be Dr. Scott, he has been nominated to administer fish medicine to Phin1 in hopes of curing him from his carnival fungus. According to the box of tetracycline, Phin1 has gill disease and open red sores, which is really sad. He has a really bad sore right next to where his flipper comes out of his body and we don't like it and we want him to be better.
Scott Tucker, Doctor of Fish.
When I grow up, I am going to be a professional fish-watching-cross-stitcher. Recently, I went on a hobby search, because I needed a hobby. These were the options I came up with:
Baking. Too many calories.
Painting. I'm not good at painting and canvases are expensive.
Reading. I already read.
Eating cheese. Too many calories.
Zombie Typocalypse. Computers hurt my brain.

I finally decided on cross stitching, because cross stitching is cool, right? No, it's not. But I'm okay with that because I'm going to make so many wall hangings.
Making it rain with cross stitchery.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

fish watch, day 15.

1. Phin1 is still alive! Which I'm really happy about because the other night I fed him 3 times. I know, I know, over-feeding is the quickest way to kill a fish, but he just looked so hungry! And he's really cute when he eats because he just sucks the food into his mouth like a little vacuum cleaner. I. Love. It.  And I also love to sing this song to him when he's eating:
(Yeah, this is a music video of someone playing a video game about fish to this song. My favorite part is the little snail crawling around in the front. You're welcome.)

2. I changed Phin1's water 2 days ago. It looked like this:
So fresh and so clean, clean.
And now it is today, and the water looks like this:
Phinny? Are you there?
Phin1 is a really dirty fish. All he does is eat and poop. And rearrange his rocks. After we clean his tank, he likes to move all the rocks to the outer edge with his vacuum lips. I always tell Phin1 that he is the smartest fish in the world, and Scott always tells me to stop talking to the fish.

3. I want to put that plastic alligator into the fish bowl so that Phin1 has a friend. Scott and Aubrey said that we probably shouldn't do that because it's an alligator made out of cheap, possibly toxic plastic from Oriental Trading. It is probably a wise decision to keep that out of Phin1's world. If he dies, I think Aubrey should sing a song for him at his toilet funeral, but he says he won't do that. Come on, Aubrey! Phin1 deserves an original funeral song.

4. Oh, Aubrey is back! Today, Scott, Phin1 and I watched a video of when he played Snoopy in a play. Good times.

Monday, July 9, 2012

apartment fail.

Today was a day of apartment failures. Yes, they were terrible. No, we aren't happy about them.

Failure #1 of today: It's Monday. It is awful. My alarm went off and I just kept my eyes closed and prayed that it was a dream-alarm. You know, the ones that go off and you wake up and have a dream-morning, going through your dream-routine, drinking your dream-coffee that tastes like sunshine and rainbows and happiness, then your real alarm goes off and you start your real-morning and go through your real-routine and drink your real-coffee that tastes like cheap coffee from the convenience store on the corner. It wasn't one of those. So I just laid there, thinking about how I could have 30 extra minutes of sleep if I don't shower. So I didn't shower. Also, showers are terrible and I do not like them.

Failure #2 of today: We apparently didn't lock our door last night. Oops. Yes, I know I don't live in Missouri anymore. Yes, I know that all of our belongings could have been taken and they probably would have eaten the brand new box of Cheez-Its on the counter. I promise I will lock my door from now until forever. Unless I move back to Missouri. Then I take that back.


Failure #3 of today: We also apparently left our freezer door open all day. Oops. Hey, sometimes that happens for no reason, right? Like you closed it this morning, but it just decided to open during the day. It's definitely not from slamming the refrigerator door closed on our rush out the front door. Maybe I like melted ice cream better. And thawed bacon. And mushy bags of once-frozen vegetables. Maybe I like those things.


Failure #4 of today: Our box of wine is empty. Enough said.

My heart will go on...

But on a lighter note, Fish Watch continues. What is Fish Watch? Oh, it's that thing where I tell you if our carnival fish, Phin1, is still alive. He is. And Scott bought him a new tank and cleaned his water, because he actually does love Phin1. Phin1 is neurotic and has crazy eyes and sometimes jumps out of the water like a little dolphin. And we like him.
video
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

apartment fish.

In honor of today, things are happening, and I really like them. Really American things like corn dogs, dinosaurs, and fish.

This past weekend there was a carnival in Astoria Park near our apartment, so we went every day, obviously. And we loved everything about it.

We got to eat corn dogs, my favorite food of all time. If you know me at all, you know I would do almost anything for a corn dog. I mean, what is better than a hot dog wrapped in corn bread with ketchup on top? NOTHING.

We got fake airbrush tattoos. Scott got a "Kiss Me I'm Irish" tattoo on his arm, Sara got a snake tattoo on her chest, and I got a stegosaurus tattoo on my back. I won't lie, I really liked my stegosaurus and if I were to ever get a real tattoo (which I wouldn't because I'm not as cool and hardcore as I pretend like I am) I wouldn't rule a stegosaurus out. I like them because:
  1. Stegosaurus' are the Colorado state dinosaur and I remember learning all about the stegosaurus fossils found and seeing the bones at the museum, because Brunner children went to a lot of museums. Why would Brunners ever do anything non-educational? Oh that's right, we wouldn't.
  2. I really like Spike from The Land Before Time because he just looks squishy and huggable and I like things that are squishy and huggable. And I love when he ate the Tree Star in one bite.
  3. All stegosaurus cartoons are adorable. Google image search them.
Yeah, I would consider permanently tattooing you on my body.
We got an apartment fish and his name is Phineas the First! We won him at the ping pong ball throw...well, actually, we didn't win him. If you played at all, you got a free fish, so I'm not going to claim any skill on our part. But I like him anyway. 

Scott says that Phin1 is dying, but I don't believe him. He says that he has a carnival fungus on his scales and that means he is going to die, but it's been 3 days and he's still flipping! I'm not listening to Scott anyway because he was embarrassed to even carry the fish around in public. On our way home from the carnival, Scott and I were trading of carrying Phin1 and I asked him how awesome he felt carrying a fish down the street, because I felt like the coolest person ever when I was carrying him, and he said that he didn't feel awesome at all and he was embarrassed. So he put Phin1's water bag into a black bag so people couldn't see that he was carrying a goldfish. When we got home he also said we should just flush Phin1 right away and spare him the pain of dying a long, slow carnival fungus death. So, in response to these actions, I've drafted a letter for the future:

Dear Scott's future wife, 

My name is Julie and I lived with Scott in New York City. First of all, congratulations on your marriage! Scott is the greatest, but I'd like to pass on some really important things you should probably be aware of when/if you ever think about having children. Once we got an apartment goldfish at a carnival and Scott was embarrassed to be seen with it so he carried it in a black plastic bag. Then, upon finding out the fish is sick and has carnival fungus on its scales, Scott wanted to flush it. While it was still living. He said that it would be happier in the sewers. So, if you have children, make sure you don't have any bags around, just in case Scott is embarrassed. And when your children get sick, you might want to steer clear of toilets/sewers/manholes/etc.

I wish you the best!

Julie
Phineas the First. Alive and well and not flushed.