Wednesday, July 25, 2012


I sometimes (always) want to drink jars of marinara sauce, but I sometimes (occasionally) try not to do that because sometimes (always) people think I'm really gross/weird. So in order to be really (sort of) appropriate and not gross/weird, I have to find vehicles for my marinara sauce. So for those of you out there who sometimes (always) have to shame-eat marinara sauce in that hidden corner of your bedroom while sometimes (always) listening to that Adele song "Someone Like You" on repeat, these are for you. 

An Guide to the Various Vehicles of Marinara Sauce Consumption.
By Julie

Pasta with Marinara Sauce 
The best part of this meal is that the marinara:pasta ratio can be insanely high, meaning that you can eat 3 noodles of pasta with a cup of sauce on top and no one knows, meaning you can eat this anywhere, meaning you don't have to stay in your room, meaning people won't think you're cray.
Directions: Make pasta (approximately 3 noodles). Heat sauce (approximately an entire jar). Enjoy.

"Tomato Soup" 
The quotes around the name mean that it is just marinara sauce in a bowl. Shhhh.
Directions: Pour marinara sauce into a bowl. Heat. Enjoy. And if anyone asks what you're eating, you should probably get really defensive and yell something irrational like, "I'm eating tomato soup, what does it look like?! Gosh! What else would I be eating? It's not like I'm a freak or anything. People eat tomato soup all the time!"
What? It's tomato soup.
Mozzarella Sticks with Marinara
There is literally nothing better than marinara with cheese inside.
Directions: Go to this website. Make the mozzarella sticks. Dip them. Or, if you're impatient and poor like I am, you can buy tortillas and wrap a string cheese in them and then bake them until they're crispy on the outside and melty on the inside. No, I don't know how long that takes or what temperature to bake them at. I just know it happens. Plus, the most important part is the marinara anyway.

Pizza Grilled Cheese 
Because you can't eat something with the word "pizza" in the title if you don't add marinara sauce.
Directions: Get two slices of bread. Put some mozzarella cheese, pepperoni, garlic, red peppers, whatever your heart desires (because who are we kidding? We're not making this for the innards) inside. Grill on your stove until the cheese kind of oozes out the sides and burns to your pan so you have to scrub it forever to clean it. Put marinara in a bowl and dip the grilled cheese. Done and done. This could also be translated to Pizza Quesadilla, Pizza Biscuit, Pizza Wrap, Pizza Croissant, or Pizza Any Bread Product.
All of this is in my tummy right now.
 Italian Potatoes
Everything is Italian if you add marinara!
Directions: Cook a potato in the oven/stovetop/microwave/sunlight. Mush it up. Add marinara and literally any kind of cheese. Literally. My fave is cottage cheese and don't you dare judge me until you try it. Ricotta also sounds like it would be nice and Italian tasting.

You're welcome. Now, since I'm home by myself, I'm going to listen to Fleetwood Mac and dance around my coffee table while I try to figure out how to sneak some ice cream into the movie theater without it melting!

1 comment:

  1. This is one of my favorite posts, especially the 1st 2 vehicles :-) I just love you so much!