Monday, April 18, 2011


So, it's been a while since I've posted. I wish I could say it's because I'm doing really important things, but that would be a lie. I've actually just been doing an insane amount of really average things that have culminated into a very busy existence. Thus, I shall catch you all up on the status of my life:

1) I'm still unemployed as of May 14 at 8pm when I graduate. Yes, I'm applying to lots of jobs. No, I'm not too picky. I just want to make more than the $9,000 I lived off of this past year. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so.

2) I have created a food survival plan for when I'm unemployed. In order to survive, I have decided I will eat peanut butter and bananas for every meal. Why? Well, other than the fact that I dream about peanut butter frequently, it has a lot of protein. And I love everything about peanut butter. And bananas are cheap. And they have a lot of potassium. Win win. Fortunately, I already eat large quantities of peanut butter and bananas, so it will be an easy transition.

3) Speaking of peanut butter, I have discovered the greatest peanut butter in the world. Well, at least in the United States. Well, at least on the Travel Channel's "Best Sandwich Places in America" show. Question: Did you know that there is a restaurant in New York City that only serves peanut butter sandwiches? Fact. It is called Peanut Butter and Co. You know that part in Forrest Gump where Lt. Dan shows up at the boat dock and Forrest gets so excited he just runs off of the boat and starts swimming to the dock while the S.S. Jenny just runs into the shore? Yeah, that's what I want to do with Peanut Butter and Co. I want to go to there. I will run to you. 
Lt. Dan=PB and Co. Forrest=Me. Look how happy I am.
And as if things couldn't get more exciting, they sell Peanut Butter and Co. peanut butter at the grocery store! I know! Mind-blowing. So, I bought 3 flavors: Cinnamon Raisin, White Chocolate, and Honey. Unfortunately, when I'm unemployed I won't be able to afford gourmet peanut butter. I guess I'll just have to eat jars and jars in preparation for May 14. It's like I'm storing up for hibernation. Like a little bear who likes peanut butter. Speaking of bears, I hung out with middle schoolers at a retreat this weekend and we had a big dance one night. Amidst all the drama about who did or didn't dance with Austin, they played this song. It's apparently called the Gummy Bear song. Watch the video and then imagine 30 middle school kids bouncing around like gummy bears. Perfection.

4) The other day I was running on this little trail I discovered and I saw 4 deer and 2 foxes. Nature is cool!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

it's not me, it's you.

Dear Michael who keeps sending me spam emails,

I don't know what to say. When I got my first spam message from you I was flattered. I couldn't stop thinking about how lucky I was to be chosen to receive your sketchy offers. Out of all the gazillion email addresses in the world, you chose mine. You lovingly presented me with offers to place my ad on millions of blogs. You told me this method has never been released to the public before. Ever. You assured me I could make $10-25 every single day by simply clicking my mouse. You seemed perfect, faultless. We were MFEO. Until I discovered the list of other Gmail addresses you were contacting. Just how many Julie's are you emailing? I need to know. Who is this julielynchaffee? And julielynncox? I thought we had something special...You would send me emails every other day. I would mark them as spam and then delete them forever. Didn't that mean anything to you?

Oh Michael, how I did admire your dedication to excessive emailing. It didn't matter that I never responded and got really annoyed each time your name popped up in my inbox. You showed such determination. But it's over. If I could figure out how to block your emails forever, I would. However, Gmail is apparently too complex for me, so until I find someone who knows how to do that, just know that things will never be the same between us.

Please stop emailing me.