Dear Michael who keeps sending me spam emails,
I don't know what to say. When I got my first spam message from you I was flattered. I couldn't stop thinking about how lucky I was to be chosen to receive your sketchy offers. Out of all the gazillion email addresses in the world, you chose mine. You lovingly presented me with offers to place my ad on millions of blogs. You told me this method has never been released to the public before. Ever. You assured me I could make $10-25 every single day by simply clicking my mouse. You seemed perfect, faultless. We were MFEO. Until I discovered the list of other Gmail addresses you were contacting. Just how many Julie's are you emailing? I need to know. Who is this julielynchaffee? And julielynncox? I thought we had something special...You would send me emails every other day. I would mark them as spam and then delete them forever. Didn't that mean anything to you?
Oh Michael, how I did admire your dedication to excessive emailing. It didn't matter that I never responded and got really annoyed each time your name popped up in my inbox. You showed such determination. But it's over. If I could figure out how to block your emails forever, I would. However, Gmail is apparently too complex for me, so until I find someone who knows how to do that, just know that things will never be the same between us.
Please stop emailing me.