Sunday, June 16, 2013

uv, i will never let go.

I have blue eyes. Which is great when I get compliments or when they match my clothes, but it isn't so great when I possibly get macular degeneration in the future.

Which I'm terrified about. I've been trying to wear sunglasses a lot more to protect my weak blue eyes, except I really hate sunglasses. I hate how they make everything look dull and sad. And how they slide down my nose. And how they always break in my purse. And how they squeeze my temples. And how they always get a scratch right in my line of vision. But mostly I hate how they make things dull and sad. It's the worst. I don't like seeing everything in sepia tones. Ew.

So, I've been having this whole guilt issue going on for a couple of months. I know that it's probably just because Brunners are really good at what we call "the guilt factor" and I might not get macular degeneration, but us Brunners have "the guilt factor" perfected. I think it all stems from the fact that we were were those children who weren't really yelled at or spanked or anything, instead we were "disappointed in," which slowly sucks your soul from the inside until you feel so guilty about the fact that you yelled at your mom when she asked you to do the dishes that you sit in your room crying until you decide to write a sappy apology note and leave it on her pillow. This note usually tells her just how wrong you were to do such a terrible thing and tells her how much you love her and never want her to be disappointed in you ever again.

So, here's the guilt factor in action:

I really don't want to get macular degeneration so I've been wearing sunglasses more, but I really hate sunglasses so I haven't been wearing them as much as I should, so when I'm outside and decide not to wear them because I hate them, all I can think about is how I should be wearing them, but when I wear them, all I can think about is how I hate sunglasses.

This is real life.

But then, I was sitting in my bedroom one afternoon, attempting to organize my dresser and instead staring blankly at my spare contacts and noticed that...

THEY HAVE UV PROTECTION! How did I not know this? My life will never be the same.

Guilt factor disengaged. Everything is going to be okay.

Bring. It. On. Sunshine.

P.S. don't worry, Doctors Brunners, I still wear sunglasses and I have cut back on staring directly into the sun.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

professor julie.

If you are the majority of my friend population that doesn't live in NYC and isn't related to me, you might not know that I am now an official Adjunct Professor at St. John's University. You also might not know that I found my first ever grey hair, glimmering in the fluorescent light of the bathroom. I think this must mean I'm an official adult, so I've devised a list of adult-y things I've decided I must now do:

1. Shower daily. It's the worst. My mother has been trying to make me do this for about 20 years. You win, Mom. You win.

2. Eat avocados. Adults love avocados, which means I do, too. Especially when they're like this: 
Hello avocados, don't you look mature?
And since I'm so mature and grown-up, that means I can eat them every night if I want to. Because that's what adults do--whatever they want. 

3. Spend my money on furniture and real-life things. I now own a lamp, two decorative pillows, two dressers, and two side tables. Things are getting wild up here in Astoria!

4. Go grocery shopping. Unfortunately, New York City is not conducive to grocery shopping, but it is conducive to ordering in food. 
Everyone: "But, Julie! What if you divide all your delivery meals into two so that you can take it for lunch the next day?"
My Budget: "Julie, you're not that cool. You don't have money. Go suck on an ice cube or something."

 My budget is not my friend.

5. Try out some weird fad diet so I don't look frumpy at my friends wedding this summer. And by "weird fad diet," I mean the Eat-One-Avocado-for-Every-Meal-because-you-can't-Afford-Much-Else-Unless-Michael-Decides-to-feed-you diet. But I'm also going to exercise because that is also something that adults do. Also, Grammy once told me that you lose weight if you get a full night's sleep, so that's definitely going to happen. Oh, 9pm bedtime, I've missed you so!

6. Go to the eye doctor because I haven't been there in approximately forever and I can't see out of my contacts.

7. Go to sophisticated events in NYC. Last week, AJ and I went to see Shakespeare in the Park in Central Park. Sure it rained the entire time as we huddled under AJ's rain slicker, but it's the price you have to pay for culture.

8. Learn how to do my hair in beautiful ways like this: 
I don't understand how to even start doing this.

Professor Julie Brunner