sickly.

I'm sickly. I don't handle being sickly very well. My head is congested. My throat hurts. I can't stop coughing. I have a ringing in my ears. I can't sleep well because I can't breathe. It's awful. It's the end of the world. I give up.


Some people are sick all the time. I honestly don't know how they survive. When I'm sick, my life stops. Give me the stomach flu and I'll roll around on the bathroom floor for a week, crying and whimpering about how my life is ending and begging people to put me out of my misery. A headache? Why yes, I do need to go home from work early because I'm pretty sure I'm dying. Ear infections put me on bed rest, meaning I literally don't move until I'm better, out of fear that I'll do something to make my ears pop, only moving enough to cry when someone puts in the ear drops. When my throat hurts I walk around grabbing at my throat, tears rolling down my cheeks, popping lozenges. Needless to say, it isn't a pretty sight.


There is only one thing that I hate more than being sickly, and that's lacking sleep. Ask my family. I'm a terror when I don't get enough sleep. Foam comes out of my mouth and I start eating puppies. It's not a happy situation.  Whenever I'm cranky, my sister calmly asks me if I've been getting enough sleep; my reply usually involves yelling and tears, from which she can deduce that I have not, in fact, been getting enough sleep. I'm scary.


And right now, I'm both sickly and tired. And dramatic. So, this is your warning: Stay away. Far, far away.

why yes. i would like to bake you something.

I like to bake. A lot. Unfortunately, baking a lot is not good for the waist-line, so I have to find reasons, occasions, and people upon which to bestow my baked goods. Otherwise, I end up with a freezer-full of cookie dough to which I am continuously drawn, spoon in hand.  Cinnamon-Chip Pecan Cookies, Coconut Pound Cakes, homemade loaves of bread, Yukon Gold Cinnamon Rolls, and snowstorms of powdered sugar cloud my dreams in a symphony of sweet calories. So, I interpreted my dreams to mean that I'm going to one day open a bakery. A bakery like the one in the movie Stranger than Fiction, where I bake all day long and give free muffins to the homeless. 

A bakery like this. Except no one is yelling and everyone is smiling and laughing.

Oh, and I have a sleeve tattoo.

I love sleeve tattoos. And all tattoos, for that matter.

As the caption of the picture implies, I love sleeve tattoos.  If I weren't such an impulsive person and if I didn't know that my mother would slaughter me, I would get one. Unfortunately, I know that if I did get one, I'd probably get something really stupid that I would regret immediately and then be stuck with for the rest of my life. Like a bunny jumping on clouds or something. Sure that sounds cool at the time, but do I want to be known as that girl with the bunny tattoo? I mean, tattoos are forever. That's a long time to have something stupid drawn on your arm. Take this guy, for example:

He must have been on something when he got this.

Yes, he tattooed The Human Centipede on his feet. I wonder how long it took for him to regret that decision. I'm gonna guess it was seconds. If you've never heard of The Human Centipede, watch a summary of it here so you can appreciate the mistake this fellow made. Anyway, though I would never get a tattoo that is as hideous as this guy's, I will probably still never get a tattoo. Oh well. I'm going to go make some Snickerdoodle Blondies instead.

anything but the mom jeans.

I'm currently working an overnight shift at my job. Which means I have 8 hours to stay awake and occupy myself somehow. That also means that among the many things that I do to keep myself awake during this excruciating span of time, I read blogs. So, while painting my nails bright purple (I paint my nails everytime I work an overnight shift), I read my friend's blog entry about how she feels like she is getting old. And immediately, terrible questions started racing through my mind. Questions like:
When am I too old to paint my nails bright, obnoxous colors?!
At what age do I have to stop watching Spongebob Squarepants?!
Am I too old to make my own paper Valentine's Day decorations?! (I just finished cutting out and gluing together tons of pink, purple, and red hearts for my apartment)
How long until I wake up and find myself wearing mom jeans?!

Please don't let it come to this!

Will I ever outgrow meals that consist solely of frozen pizza, beer and multiple pints of Ben & Jerry's?!
Is it unacceptable to still carry crayons in my backpack?!
Am I at the age where I should start sorting my laundry by color?!
Do I ever have to stop eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch?!

But in the end, I have decided the answer to all these questions is no/never. What a relief.

it's getting unacceptable.

My diet is getting unacceptable. I mean, I literally ate constantly for the ENTIRE day today. I wish I were joking, but, unfortunately, I am not.  Sure, things were going well with the single bowl of cereal for breakfast, but my food intake escalated exponentially starting at approximately 11:45a.  Thus, the normal breakfast was followed by a 10-hour binge-fest including: a gouda grilled cheese sandwich on beer bread, more beer bread, 3 spoonfuls of cookie dough, a bag of pita chips, more beer bread, half of a burrito leftover from the Mexican restaurant, Hyvee Chinese take-out (of which I dropped the sweet & sour sauce all over the floor in the Hyvee produce section. Coordination and walking are not my strong points), and two freshly baked cookies. Though I did take a trip to the gym somewhere between the beer bread and the half burrito, it doesn't make up for the fact that I consumed enough calories for a family of four.

Thus, tomorrow starts my diet. And by "diet" I just mean that I'm going to eat like a normal person. I shall eat one breakfast, one lunch, and one dinner. That sounds reasonable, right? And I'm going to start eating more oranges. Because oranges obviously make you healthier. And I might possibly limit my cheese intake to one meal a day.  It turns out, eating entire blocks of cheese seemed like a good idea until you realize how gassy and irregular it makes you. Maybe that's too much information, but I just want you to know what you're getting into in case you ever decide to do the cheese-for-every-meal diet. And since I'm obviously never going to completely cut cheese out of my life, I guess I'll just have to regulate my consumption.

it's in the bag.

My friend Ashley is a really good blogger. I'm not. But, I decided to be in her Blog Crawl in hopes of becoming more reliable. So, I literally dumped my purse out on the floor, not knowing what exactly it contains, and found: 

This is my purse. I think it is from Dillard's. I say that because my mom and grammy bought it for me and that is where they shop.

Note: Purse=Trash Can

First, we have some:

• unpaid Visa bills.
• old flight tickets, basketball tickets and shopping lists. 
• And my friend Melissa's engagement picture. 

And then there's a little: 

• Hot Hands from Santa. You never know when your hands are going to be cold.
• Recipes from Grammy. Coconut creme pie and walnut toffee.
• A little pouch for lipgloss that I got in Ecuador. However, you will notice that my lipgloss is not in the pouch. I'm working on that.
• A pen I got from my credit union. 
• A pile of chewed and unchewed gum and wrappers.

Now, we finally have some real stuff. I'm not even sure why I have the first stuff in my there. And the worst part is that I put most of it back in my purse after I dumped it out. Don't worry, I did throw away the gum wrappers. Anyway, here I have:

• Sunglasses I never wear. I just like to carry them to make my purse heavier.
• My winter hat and leather gloves. I bought these so I look more mature and grown-up. I think it's working.
• Various shades of Burt's Bee's lip gloss and shine. Note how dark the colors are. My mother always buys me really dark colored lipstick. I don't know why. 
• Powder foundation that I always forget to use.
• Random movie ticket.
• My wallet. I love this wallet, but I'm searching for a smaller one. And, to make matters worse, I found the perfect one at TJ Maxx, but it's still $60. For a wallet. You've got to be kidding me. I don't care if it is real leather. Somehow I always manage to find the most expensive purses and wallets at TJ Maxx.
• Checkbook.
• My keys. And my Panera Rewards card (greatest invention of all time...I have a free latte waiting for me on my next visit!) And my gym card. And a keychain my friend Alex brought me when he went to Chile. It says Julia. Because that's my name.
• A little bird card-holder that I sometimes put things in. It's very useful for holding fortunes from chinese take-out and the occasional quarter to pay the meter.

You're probably wondering where my cell phone is. And it's probably lost. I seem to lose my phone constantly. Recently, the buttons have started popping off of it, too, so when I find it on the floor of some random restaurant, I now have to search for the missing buttons as well.

Well, that's it. And this is the last day of the Blog Crawl! You've all inspired me to stop using my purse as a trash can and to buy a new wallet. Be sure to check out Margaret's purse post from yesterday (and be sure to read her bio...what a champ!) And thanks, Ash, for hosting!

national cheese lovers day!

Today, my friends, is a very important day. What's so special about today, you may wonder? IT'S NATIONAL CHEESE LOVERS DAY! And that's me. A cheese lover. However, in the life of Julie, every day is National Cheese Lovers Day.  The other day when I was sitting in the Cove of Knowledge (aka the futon in our basement living room where I do my most productive work. And yes, we have two living rooms. It's kind of a big deal), I decided I'm going to get a mini-fridge and solely devote it to cheese storage. I'll put it right next to the beer fridge. We shall be the best of friends.


Anyway, to celebrate this most wonderful of holidays, I've eaten a block of gruyere, half a tub of goat cheese, queso and chips, and a bagel with cream cheese. And I've created this cheese montage for you to enjoy and salivate over. Happy Holidays!

Cheese=Love

some decisions.

Recently, I've made some very important decisions.

1. I'm going to start eating more cheese. I love cheese. So much. So, I've decided that I don't care how many calories are in it or how bad people say that it is for me, I'm going to eat it. And a lot of it. Thus, my friend Sarah and I went to Sam's Club and bought cheese in bulk, because why start eating lots of cheese if you're not going to go all the way? I started with a pound of smoked gouda and a pound of gruyere. Love.
2. My roomies and I are never going to take our Christmas tree down. Instead, we're going to decorate it accordingly for the various upcoming holidays. I can't wait to decorate for President's Day! I'm going to print out little faces of former presidents at the library with my graduate student print quota.
3. I'm actually going to FINISH reading a book! I'm a notorious book non-finisher. Somehow, whenever I get to the last few chapters of a book, I just stop. People ask me how I can just stop and not figure out the ending, so I calmly remind them that I always read the last page, just to make sure it has a happy ending. Because I only like books with a happy ending. BUT, I'm reading The Help right now and it is excellent. So I'm going to finish it. Mark my words!
4. I'm going to move to a city. Well, hopefully. And hopefully that city is either Boston or Providence. Otherwise, I guess I'll still be in Columbia. Or I could always move back in with Grammy and Papa. But, here's hoping I get a job in the East!
5. I'm going to start saving more money. Because I'm almost a real grown-up and that's what real grown-ups do. Unfortunately, my shopping trip to St. Louis yesterday didn't help with this decision. But I did get a really cute jacket.
6. I'm going to finish writing my book. Yes, I'm writing a book and it's almost done. Now, I just need to get someone to edit it and then I need to publish it. No big deal.
7. I'm going to stop wearing pants when I'm at my apartment because I hate pants. Thus, I recently bought my first pair of leggings. Because it's not appropriate to just sit around pants-less all the time, but it is appropriate to sit around in leggings. In fact, I'm not sure why I ever stopped wearing leggings. When I was little, I would only wear "soft clothes," meaning leggings, oversized t-shirts and sweatshirt dresses. I was the softest kid in the neighborhood and I think I will soon be the softest twenty-something in Columbia.

beer+bread.

I just re-discovered beer bread. Yes, I know that may not be very exciting for you, but it is for me. It's kind of like that time I discovered I like mustard. Only better, because, unlike mustard, I can make an entire meal out of beer bread. And I do...mostly because I'm too poor to go to the grocery store right now, but also because it's like eating little slices of heaven. I don't know why I haven't been making this in the past, because beer and bread are probably my two favorite food groups. On my food pyramid, bread is on the bottom and beer is on the second tier. I also eat ice cream, frozen pizza, oranges and cheese.

Julie's food pyramid.

And no, I don't want to talk about why it's inverted or why I don't know how to draw a triangle on my computer and had to take a picture of one with Photo Booth.

My mother has started calling me a fraulein, which I'm guessing just means a little German girl who likes good beer. Now before you sign me up for AA, I just want to make it clear that beer is a condiment to my life, not a main course. Don't worry. Trust me, I wouldn't be buying New Belgium beers if I had a problem.

Anyway, this week I baked beer bread. And it's insanely easy to make. And I've eaten it for every meal. And here's the recipe:

3 cups flour

1/3 cup sugar

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

12 oz beer

3 tablespoons melted butter

First, preheat the oven to 350 degrees, because there is nothing more annoying than waiting for an oven to preheat. Second, mix the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt together in a mixing bowl. Then pour in the beer. I used New Belgium Trippel. Next time, (meaning tomorrow morning when I finish off the loaf I just made) I'm going to make it with a stout. Mix it all in the mixer until it is doughy. Then, put it into a greased 5x9-inch pan. Now, POUR THE MELTED BUTTER ON TOP OF THE DOUGH. That part is in all caps because it's so exciting. Bake for 50-60 minutes. Oh my wow.

And, on a different and slightly terrible note, I have a huge blister on my foot from my running shoes. Thus, if you need me, I will be sitting on my couch eating beer bread instead of exercising.